Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize