I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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