the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
