Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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