I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize