Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
