The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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