Need sex. Gaining weight.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
