I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
These tits shall not be calmed
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
