Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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