I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
