I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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