Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i've created a new STD.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
