shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
