God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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