matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
