it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
