Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
