Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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