I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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