thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
