The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
