Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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