Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it wasn't lemon gatorade
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You are the jesus of drinking
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
