I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize