my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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