Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
