Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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