When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sorry about my life...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
