so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize