I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
