he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
