You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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