I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
