dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
