just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize