Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
