Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
