how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
