whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
