i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
