i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
