peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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