Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
