My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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