dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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