i just had sex bonerless
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
