I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
