Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
