and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
