I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
