I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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