yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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