I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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