and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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