I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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