And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
