I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
