Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
