Soap is not a condiment
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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