somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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