Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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