if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
