After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Thank you for not boning my boss.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
